•Friday, May 12, 2006
the fear of starting is as paralyzing as the fear of death, the fear that things could actually turn out to be worse and the fear of the unknown. sadly enough the fear of starting comes with its inlaws ie the fear of a false start, the fear of stalling midway, the fear of abject failure and the disillusionment of success. thank god for the haven of procrastination, otherwise the critical adrenaline rush (car) could be a death knell for most of us. did i say fear of death?
reminds me of 'remember to check under the bed' instructions of those formative years. i think i still do it to date albeit unconsciously. the fear was dreadfully multiplied! largely because what if it turned out to be true that 'the man under the bed' is actually there? do i scream, slay him effortlesly or politely ask him to leave. it was worrying especially since if he was there, he could be monitoring my movements and must have planned what to do if he is discovered during the 'check under the bed' session, like grab my legs. thats why when i moved out of the main house to the 'cubicle' i always had a panga which i would bang several times on the floor as a ritual before the session. a rungu was also strategically positioned behind the door for backup as well as in 'true moran spirit' sprint out of bed to respond to a distress call in the neighbourhood. the best solace however was not on the panga but on the fact that i left the door wide open for both of us to handle our fears effectively without causing unnecessary gbh - grievous bodily harm. whoever gets to the door first and fast, would have had the honours of authoring 'fear 101 for dummies', 'the abc of handling fear' or '10 ways of turning fear into courage'.
in publishing this blog, i have effectively slain one of the fear dragons that has haunted me for the last three months. i am motivated by a scrap book i kept during my heydays in primo and high school which i stumbled upon recently - hope some of those entries get a mention in this blog sometime. its also inspired by the million of bloggers out there, a number of whom i have learnt from greatly/learnt greatly from/greatly learnt from/whichever. definitely i also love reading my past thoughts and ideas, and funnily makes me appreciate the rate at which i loose brain cells. as for whether the slain dragon will turn out to be a delicacy, only time will tell.
reminds me of 'remember to check under the bed' instructions of those formative years. i think i still do it to date albeit unconsciously. the fear was dreadfully multiplied! largely because what if it turned out to be true that 'the man under the bed' is actually there? do i scream, slay him effortlesly or politely ask him to leave. it was worrying especially since if he was there, he could be monitoring my movements and must have planned what to do if he is discovered during the 'check under the bed' session, like grab my legs. thats why when i moved out of the main house to the 'cubicle' i always had a panga which i would bang several times on the floor as a ritual before the session. a rungu was also strategically positioned behind the door for backup as well as in 'true moran spirit' sprint out of bed to respond to a distress call in the neighbourhood. the best solace however was not on the panga but on the fact that i left the door wide open for both of us to handle our fears effectively without causing unnecessary gbh - grievous bodily harm. whoever gets to the door first and fast, would have had the honours of authoring 'fear 101 for dummies', 'the abc of handling fear' or '10 ways of turning fear into courage'.
in publishing this blog, i have effectively slain one of the fear dragons that has haunted me for the last three months. i am motivated by a scrap book i kept during my heydays in primo and high school which i stumbled upon recently - hope some of those entries get a mention in this blog sometime. its also inspired by the million of bloggers out there, a number of whom i have learnt from greatly/learnt greatly from/greatly learnt from/whichever. definitely i also love reading my past thoughts and ideas, and funnily makes me appreciate the rate at which i loose brain cells. as for whether the slain dragon will turn out to be a delicacy, only time will tell.
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5 comments:
Have you noticed that as soon as you face the dragons they are managable?
I will come and share the dragon you have slain bringing a mean kachumbari!!!!
lol@"what if it turned out to be true that 'the man under the bed' is actually there?"
had this phobia once, but it never occurred to me what I would do if and when ....
@uaridi
true, once you confront your fears head on and do something about it, life becomes easier.
thanks for the continuous supply of kachumbari, karibu kiti.
@mama mia
thanks for stopping by, my phobia was fuelled by an actual incidence that had happened in the neighbourhood
had a panga which i would bang several times on the floor as a ritual before
lol
i am loving your blog already. will share uaridi's kachumbari
@farmgal
thanks, add pilipili to the kachumbari and we'll be set