Sasha P-File Closed
Author: jamaapoa
•Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Some things are not just worth the trouble. Sasha is one of them. She has gone to the bottom of my list. Rock bottom. And it’s a crying shame really because I thought she had more sense. She is a reckless chic, and I don’t do reckless chics. Reckless chics can send you to an early grave, and I believe I’m too young to check out just yet. I still have childhood dreams to fulfill, I still have a mission to change the world and Sasha is not going to be my waterloo. No ma’am, I refuse.

Maybe, I should tell you what went down. I invited her for dinner as per the plan. We had a light drink in town then went home about 7 pm. She was perky and bubbly the whole evening, we chatted incessantly as I fixed a decent meal of noodles, vegetable pickles and some chicken. Two huge strawberry candles crackled at the opposite ends of my darkened living room as my Buddha Bar CD played; great aphrodisiac. The mood was set, the dice was rolling.

We had dinner. Drank the bottle of chilled white wine and pretended that we didn’t want to tear off each other’s clothes. She had complained that her high heels were killing her feet, so I took the pleasure of heating some water, having her soak her feet in the warm Dettol spiked water and later massaging them with some massage oil. She had beautiful slender feet bereft of cones. She sat sprawled back into the settee, eyes half closed, occasionally sipping her wine and thoroughly enjoying the massage. Then I started kissing her feet now that I was certain of their hygienic condition.

She writhed in her seat and deceitfully asked me to stop. Out of mischief I stopped, and she opened her eyes and worriedly asked me why I had stopped. Makes you wonder why sometime they ask you to stop when they mean otherwise.

Anyway, everything was going according to script. We started kissing, she is a hungry kisser, I’m more of a “cautious” kisser, but we soon found our comfort zone. Soon our clothes were hanging all over the place, and making a neat trail to my bedroom; a textile trail of passion.

Then something funny happened. When I reached for a contraceptive, she reached out and held my wrist. “Uhm, it’s okay. I’m safe,” she said.

I was taken aback, but I took it all in my stride. “I.m sure you are sweetie,” I said and continued to peel off the pack with unsteady hands.

“look, can I tell you something?” she asked. I stared at her, a tad peeved at the interruption.

“I hate those, I mean, I’m allergic to rubber. It makes me have rashes,” she said apologetically.

That statement took away 70 per cent of my psyche and seriously put a damper on my libido.
“Huh?” I managed to blurt.
“Yeah I get rashes when I use condoms,” she repeated like I hadn’t heard for the first time.
“So what happens?” I asked puzzled.
“I’m safe”
“When you say safe you mean from what?”
She hesitated for a moment. “I mean, I can’t get pregnant.”

There is something illiterate about a 25 year-old lady who has had some decent level of education saying that. It sounds something between naive and stupid. But generally it resonates with blatant carelessness. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. There I was buck naked, hovering over a beautiful and very much breathless and naked woman holding a torn condom in my hands and having a senseless Q&A session about allergy. I slowly sat on the bed. At that moment, I was trying to wrap my head around the concept of this girl worrying more of getting pregnant than of some STD.

“Look, I know you hardly know me that well, but you can trust me,” she said.

“I know, and I do. But do you trust me?” I rolled out the trap.

She looked at me and asked, “Should I trust you?”

“If I said you can, would you?”
“Yes, I would,” she replied without batting an eyelid.

I wasn’t going to go through with this, I decided. For two reasons, one; I was already flaccid from disbelief and two; the girl had a death wish. If she would dare have unprotected sex with a guy she hardly know, then it must be routine for her. I mean, being allergic to rubber not withstanding, she had proven to be a chic who had total disregard for safety; hers and her partner’s. I don’t happen to find that sexy in a woman.

I wasn’t going to have a discourse on trust and unprotected sex with her. So I told her that I couldn’t have unprotected sex with her and it had nothing to do with trust or allergies, it was all to do with principles which I wasn’t about to waive. She balked and said she would risk using rubber if push came to shove and that worsened the situation because then I felt that she was not being sincere, that maybe she wasn’t even allergic to rubber in the first place.

The evening quickly went up in smoke. When I said I wasn’t in the mood anymore, she didn’t take it kindly. She said she was leaving in that case. She dressed up without a word. She said she would take a matt, I thought that was ridiculous. I wasn’t about to let her walk to that stage alone, so I called Kamah, my cab driver. Not much was said while we waited for Kamah. When he finally got there, only a curt “Good night” was exchanged between us at the door of the cab. I paid Kamah and they drove off. I went back inside and polished off the rest of the wine.

Like i always say, if Halle berry and Jennifer Aniston were on their knees begging me for it, i wouldn’t touch them without a condom. It takes only one wrong act to get infected with aids. Besides, i can assure you, no woman is worth counting your ribs for. It’s not just worth it. There can never be the right way to do the wrong thing.

I can never have unprotected sex, sober or dead drunk, never have and I certainly wasn’t going to start with Sasha.

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turn your positive idea into a powerful achievement
Author: jamaapoa
•Wednesday, October 25, 2006

i am in the middle of implementing a novel idea that will eventually become something very useful to the community and my future.

ever since i sat for that entrepreneurial class, my mind has raced to the galaxies and back. robert kiyosaki's pack of rich dad poor dad and cashflow quadrant hasn't made it easier for me either. it is a rally against procrastination, initiative and self start. some of our minds and bodies are like an old rickety truck that has to always be parked facing downhill to make it easier to jump start the engine whenever you want to take a ride.

after winning the war with inertia, somewhere along the way i started zero in on non-entities and trivia. soon i was losing the bigger picture and was concentrating on skinning rat tails instead of training the cat. till my old-time buddy came along; dr robert schuller. ever since i read his 'tough times never last tough people do!' book, i have always over-adored his possibility thinking theology. at the time i was facing a crisis and his possibility thinking books came in handy and hardened my otherwise losing will. this time he came along in the form of a sermon that made me miss church that day.

he took me back to the basics of entrepreneurship that was literally grilled into my head a few years back by a russian-trained, 'wide-brim-hatted' kenyan professor. quite a gem. dr robert schuller, now in his eighties drummed the message home to my at-most-times sceptic consciousness!

"How do you take a powerful idea and turn it into a dynamic achievement? Of course, it's prayer! Of course, it's faith! Of course, it's never losing heart! And how do you do that? You think, you test, you try, you tackle it, you keep track of it, and you trust God Almighty."

i have just refreshed my memory about this two-week old sermon from this website: crystal cathedral: hour of power

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would i do it if it counts?
Author: jamaapoa
•Wednesday, October 18, 2006
yes, i would vote for nameless to win the mtv ema awards 06 for the african act category he has been nominated for. the guy has in many occassions entertained me and the rest of africa with his singing prowess. from the days of 'megarider' to 'ninanoki', 'umenipa juju', 'furahiday' collabo and to the all time nice hit 'nasinzia nikikuwaza' among others, nameless has managed to keep africa entertained.

so i went to http://www.mtveuropemusicawards.com then clicked on africa, then africa act then to nameless and cast my vote.

and they allowed me to vote again and again and again. quite a nice feel to receive all those thank you messages from a global website. they kept asking me whether i want to vote for nameless again. and i just kept voting. i couldn't stop. he deserves it. is that how they conduct elections in europe? you just keep on voting to your satisfaction or till you get tired.
a form of therapy i guess. like the guys who keep calling operator numbers, just to sooth their stresses. unlike the celtel mobile operator message by tichi nyasani, 'the celtel mobile phone you are calling, has been switched off, please try again later!". tichi nyasani being a newscaster makes you have this feeling its news time whenever you get that message. celtel could have done better.

well, if it counts for nameless, i will keep doing it. go for it nameless, may you for once earn a name.
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Sasha p-file project continued…
Author: jamaapoa
•Monday, October 16, 2006
[uplifted from 'the leader' weekly kenyan newspaper]

Sasha and I are at the Blue Posts Hotel in Thika. It’s a balmy Sunday and we are seated outside on the green meadow, looking at the Chania falls across the yard. It is picturesque. We are digging into our lunch; grilled chicken, ugali, and kacchumbari chased down by cold beers. A three-band man is belting out Kikuyu tracks a discreet distance away. Their voacalist is some character with a Stetson, a tacky black leather jacket and pointed alligator boots. I think he looks ridiculous, but I like him, he wears his style proudly.

This is my fourth date with the lovely Sasha; I met her for coffee twice last week, and one lunch date. I initiated two of those dates; she initiated one. That, in my books, is a lady with a fairly high interest level. Normally, I would make it a rule not to see a chic I’m darting (that is urban slang for seducing, for those of you who are over the hill) more than twice in a week, but Sasha is interesting, she is gregarious and she is gorgeous. I can be accorded some benefit of doubt-things are on a free fall.

She is wearing white linen pants and a lacy black top, creating such sharp contrast with the green grass of the well manicured lawn. Her skin complexion is ebony and rich. Her hair is tied fiercely in a knot behind. She looks breathtaking. She is wearing a Channel 5 scent. We drove out here in my sister’s car; a sleek silver Subaru Imprezza. I saw the look on her face when I picked her up in town in the gleaming wheels and I quickly told her that it was a borrowed car. The worst thing is to give a girl an impression that is non-existent because then you will be forced to maintain that lie and maintaining an expensive lie is very expensive!

“I had a weird dream about you last night,” I am saying while nibbling on a steak. She smiles sexily and asks skeptically, “Oh really, about what?”

“I dreamt that you were this bus driver.” She starts laughing immediately. “really, you were a City Hoppa driver. You drove the Karen route. Men fought to ride in your bus. Men shoved to get a seat in your bus”.

She had that disbelieving but anxious look in her face. I continue: “Then one day you fell sick and couldn’t go to work. That evening there was a crowd of men at Kencom who didn’t know you were not working that day. They stood there waiting till 9 pm when a City Hoppa official came over and told them that you were sick and you’d be working the next day.”

She is chuckling and shaking her head, “That’s such a lie!”

“I agree dreams are crap,” I say. “Anyway, the next morning all the wives and girlfriends of men who stay in Karen went to City Hoppa offices to demand your sacking. You were breaking happy homes, they said. Our husbands leave their personal cars to ride in the bus to work with that witch,” they cried. One pregnant wife said that her husband had the nerve of suggesting that they name their unborn child Sasha Hoppa, it was a girl. They were furious at you…”

She was really laughing now. “Do you want to know how the dream ended?” I ask.

“Yes!”

“Okay, I will tell you but not today”. She begged and bugged me to tell her how the dream ended but I told her she would have to wait. Truth is I couldn’t tell her because I didn’t know. The dream was all bull, I didn’t dream of anything like that; I can’t even remember the last time I dreamt. But things like that amuse the hell out of chicks, trust me. You don’t have to talk about rocket science or your fictitious 3,000 hectare wheat farm in Kitale to impress a chic, the silliest of things like that really put the cheers in their lives.

I have earned Sasha’s admiration. You always know when you have earned a chic’s admiration and trust; they will always get an excuse to touch you. A chic that doesn’t trust you will never touch you. I am no psychoanalyst nor am I a behavioral scientist. I am a street scientist and I can climb up any podium or any agora and defend this theory- no chic you are seducing who mistrusts you is gonna lay a finger on you! Sasha got every excuse to touch me. She touched my arm, she touched my shoulder, she held my hand and she never pulled back when I reached to remove a strand of hair from her face. I was in! I was in the game!

We had more drinks, walked the breadth of Blue Posts, a very beautiful place. Just the perfect place to take a chic you fancy. We then drove around Thika, had one drink at some pub called Thorn Torns or something. The music there was great. At about 6pm, we started off to Nairobi. It was sort of romantic; I was doing 100 kph on the highway, and playing some really nice old mix of Bobby Brown, A few good Men, Shai, New edition, Next and Keith Washington on the car stereo. She was a study of sexiness on our way back; reclined in her seat, knees hugged to her chest. It is a miracle I didn’t drive off the road.

When I dropped her home, she invited me up for coffee (clear throat), but I took a rain check because I had to return the car back to my sister. She thanked me for a superb time and I drove off with a lewd smile on my face. One thing I was sure about now was that she is ready for the next step; she is ready to be kissed. I could have done it at Blue Posts; in fact I could have sworn she was half expecting me to kiss her but there is a pride in making a lady wait and long for it. Besides, they say a true lady waits.

The Sasha project is moving along flawlessly. I have managed to skirt around the issue of her boyfriend in the states; such topics don’t have any effect on litmus. I only do/say things that change the litmus paper. She has so far been very receptive to my fancy advances, she knows the script and she is eager t play her role flawlessly. The plan is not to see her for a week and see how she handles that. Then when I finally invite her over to my place, we shall see how best she will restrain herself from jumping on me.

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wanjiru kihoro: how sad
Author: jamaapoa
•Friday, October 13, 2006

she was the only constant reminder that kenyans were once optimistic of having first world lives courtesy of the narc dream.

having been involved in the second life mishap of the narc regime, the news of her passing away are very disheartening. the first was president kibaki's accident in december 2002 while returning to nairobi from a campaign tour in machakos. wanjiru was involved in the 2003 busia plane clash which claimed the life of ahmed khalif, the first of over ten narc mps to die during the kibaki regime.

dr wanjiru kihoro had been in a coma since 2003 and showed signs of recovery in the course of this year. she was the wife of one time nyeri town mp and lawyer wanyiri kihoro. this is the man who has won the hearts of kenyans coz of his selfless devotion towards his wife's recovery. for all that time his wife was sick, he never missed a day to visit and tenderly love and care for his wife.

i don't want to ask questions, but i feel it were better she went having known what became of narc whose victory party she once attended. did she know that moody awori whose party they had attended before the clash became the vp after wamalwa's death? did she know the disillusionment that has now settled in following the fading away of the narc rainbow and dream? maybe she did, maybe she didn't. i hope our leaders are not too callous not to feel their failure to the mwenyenchi.

but for her husband and children it must be unbearable that after waiting for close to four years she never got the strength to say thank you or what she was going through.

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‘mad’ about kiss
Author: jamaapoa
•Thursday, October 12, 2006
the rise and increase of fm radio stations in kenya is worth telling. gone are the days when tuning in to national broadcasters’ kbc english service with the likes of john karani was the signature of affluence. left, right centre -in all languages- into the villages and slums are wannabe fm stations with a moor of a following.

classic fm joined this fray less than two years ago and has carved its niche within the old and not so old folks. playing songs from the 70s and 80s, i can un-statistically say it’s the leading fm station in nairobi. its breakfast show is splendid, thanks to maina kageni and churchill who doubles up as the old timer teacher, mwalimu king’ang’i and the comical slum dwelling married tea girl, ‘philgonias’. i cant vouch for the truth of the last part of that statement. like all others in this post, i picked it up from the streets. but the two brighten up the morning. most homes, matatus and ‘personals’ have their dials at classic fm with the exception of those from limuru, kiambu and ruiru which settle for the second national language, kiuk based fm, rather kameme! interesting to note that in some sheng lingual ‘kubonga kameme’ means you are speaking kikuyu.

gone with the wind are the heydays of capital fm, kiss fm and nation fm with munene nyaga and ngatia. whoever thought of doing away with these two dudes made a silly business mistake. in its launch year, nation fm had a savvy political debate with a certain mama who always called in to spill the beans on key political figures then. i can’t remember her name, i think she was called nyawera. i think days when carol mutoko and nyambane used to rule the fm airwaves are quickly fading away. nyambane of redykulass is a shadow of his former comical self. nowadays he sounds shady and kiddish. maybe i have grown old, so I will keep up the judgmental attitude.

a major flop was the royal media’s y fm (also owns citizen tv and radio). y fm was established to cater for the so called forgotten generation of teenagers who wants to be choppy and hippie in all that they do. complete with a bunch of ‘teenie-attracting-celebs’ and sheng promoting talks, the station went on air only to redefine its target strategy before its second birthday. i think to effectively get to reach this age group you need to have the patience and resilience of a high school teacher. you need to be dangerously creative to blow their minds and make a business sense of such stations.

the set of presenters and programmes i miss most that have exited the fm drama is the kiss fm evening drive or something like that. it used to feature maina kageni (now in classic fm) and cess mutungi. those two were hilarious. cess’ hearty laughter would send spasms to the wrong places. i do miss classic fm’s parliament with jimmy gathu. i do miss kiss fm’s crossfire which featured mukhisa kituyi, mutula kilonzo and new raila stooge in central; tony gachoka.

in a bid to have our ears glued to the radio sets and with reduced listener attention spans, the fm programming has been taken to a new height all together. one of the tactics is to have ‘problem clinics’. as is well known, most problems have to do with male-female bonding so one can imagine the kind of sexy drama that has filed our airwaves. with new talent being sought and scouted, those already in those fms can’t live with the thought of being shown the door. show ratings counts and all have to be done to secure another show presentation tomorrow.

classic fm has the breakfast show seeking views on how to handle cooked up relationship case scenarios. kiss fm has its relationship problem solving during the evening drive, hope fm during its night show and some fms have sex education classes in the evening. and a host of others i don’t know. with the advent of mobile phones, the kind of talk and responses during these shows border from the ridiculous to explicit rated language. no problem with sex education since we need our wheel of life balanced. the x language is unacceptable which pushes the sane minds to shagzish citizen fm. and whats the ‘white-rush’ for white men with our ladies. there are quite good jamaas in the streets though i agree none fit the ‘white-rush’ bill. what with the artur brothers known to have cctv cameras in their bedrooms to capture the moments with our ‘white-rush’ prone celebs!

in one of these cases, a jamaa was blackmailed by a ‘hit and run’ convict live in one of the kiss fm shows shepherded by a kaleche mumo and shaffie weru. john saw the forbidden fruit, desired, borrowed and ate with his teeth well wrapped up. mary wanted john to own the whole fruit but john just needed a bite once in a while. that’s why with agreement with the lady he took the fruits wrapped so that he doesn’t leave his official stamp.

well, all was well until john decided not to be taking the bites coz the fruit was losing flavour according to him. after all, it was always implicit to both that the bites were for a time. the lady wanted the ‘for a time’ for life while john felt ‘for a time’ was while it all lasted within him. john had his say but not his way (thanks to martha karua for that wise statement).

mary, thanks to fm stations decides to have her way. she dials a number and the next thing john hears through his phone is that mary’s fruit got bloated during one of his constant bites. john says there was no way his poison could have caused damage coz he bit the guavas while his teeth had braces. mary replies through those two kiss fm clowns that it was true that the fruits were poisoned and she needs some money to clean them up lest she takes the matter to a higher level. john being a ‘nice’ man agrees to settle the cleaning bill on air, quite a sumptuous amount. he meets her the next day and hands over his month’s earning in exchange for his peace. that evening mary calls and says she got her revenge. john refuses to pick any more calls from the clowns and the soap ends.
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where is all this money coming from?
Author: jamaapoa
•Tuesday, October 10, 2006
there seems to be a lot of cash and liquidity in kenya presently.

the nairobi stock exchange is having a turnover of over three billion a day compared to a paltry three billion realized in 1999 alone. share prices are rising astronomically as demand soars regardless of any underlying market fundamentals.

all ipos that have come to the nairobi stock exchange from kengen, to scanad, to equity have been largely oversubscribed. kenyans are yearning for more. like now, mumias and kenya-re are being awaited for longingly.

the government is chest-thumping to donors that it can confidently finance its budget from internal sources. to hell with donor conditionalities! this is despite government’s wasteful expenditure.

each of the 210 political constituencies is receiving between shs 20-40 million per annum for developmental needs. this is on top of bursaries, road construction money and aids funds. a shs 1bn youth fund has been established with disbursements to formal youth groups expected to start in november.

banks are lowering their lending rates competing for interested loan applicants. even multinational banks are buying space to ask kenyans to borrow as less as shs 100,000 with a repayment period of three years.

the same banks that sent the ordinary mwananchi packing are now wooing that mwananchi with a selection of innovative products.

anti-retroviral treatment is available for free in all government and mission hospitals. so are anti-malarial treatments with free disbursement of free mosquito nets.

the government appetite for domestic debt has significantly reduced too. most companies are reporting profits and business is booming.

a new scheme by the national hospital insurance fund will see five million kenyans get free treatment in hospitals without increasing monthly contributions. this scheme covers aids, cancer and diabetes patients as well as maternity charges including caesarian sections.
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another one from 'the bachelor'
Author: jamaapoa
•Sunday, October 08, 2006
by the bachelor from unwind magazine in 'the leader' weekly paper

every man has a complex inbuilt storage facility in his random access memory. they are little files saved under intricate codes that even the best hackers can't crack. some are marked x-files which contain all the dirty laundry in the form of ex-girlfriends he has had. some are f-files, which are sorry failure files detailing his failures with certain chics, chics who wouldn't give him an audience or the time of day. then there are the l-files, these are lust files containing information on the chics he has had secret lusting for, the ones he dreams would show up in his doorstep wearing nothing but naughty intentions.
then lastly there are p-files, these are pending files. these are 'projects' that he started but didn't finalize because either he had to leave town in the middle of the night because mungiki was after him or because he left for shags for three weeks and when he came back, the trail had run cold. every man has a p-file, yes, even those happily married types beaming ear to ear in family photos.

i went rummaging through p-files. the files there had gathered quite some cake of dust. i dug through the mold and retrieved some very interesting data. meet sasha. i met her three years ago when i was in between jobs. i was beat up, hard up and out of my luck. i was jobless because the new creative company i was slaving for had misrerad the market and had been bundled out of business,. i was struggling to balance my rent and two square meals a day. it was hard but i'm your run-of-the-mill hard-knock guy-i triumphed over the tribulations.

i met sasha in a pub one glum evening when it was raining buckets and i had decided to shelter in a pub for a beer. i had excatly shs 460 in my wallet and some loose change. i also had a good eye for pretty things in spite of my brokeness. i picked her out of the fairly packed pub thirty seconds after checking in. she was seated at a corner. alone. the pub was seasons, kimathi street. sasha was waiting for some guy who couldn't get there because of therain. i saw her sipping redds and trying not to stare too hard at the entrance. she was lovely; the kind of chic you would gladly run in the heavy rain to meet. i grabbed my drink and approached her table. 'hi, is this taken?' i asked politely.
she looked up at me apologetically and said, "uhm, yes, i'm waiting for somebody".

"that's ok, let me just cool my heels here, i promise to promptly leave when she comes... or is it a he?" I pulled a chair and sat.

"It's a friend of mine," she said almost reproachfully.

Her friend was a no-show, we we had sat there and talked for over two hours, even when the rain had long abated. I couldn't buy her a drink because that would have complicated my financial equation, but I picked her digits at the end of the evening and promised to call her. And I did, a couple of times, but I never made the effort to fix a date with her because I was church-mouse poor.
I was not keen on starting anything I couldn't finish; wooing a lady requires money despite what other optimistic guys might say. It's cut and dried, you need money to seduce a lady because no self respecting lady will allow you to take her to Luthuli Avenue for fries..over her dead hide! The only ladies you don't need money to seduce are those chics deep in the villages where a bus to town leaves every Wednesday and Friday mornings. But I hear even that is changing fast. I never borrow money to impress a bird, no matter how stunning. I was dirt broke so I pulled away, and locked her in my p-files until then that my status quo would change.

Now that I am totally womanless and can afford a few luxuries, I decided to revive the Sasha project. Her phone number, surprisingly enough, was still working when I called. She didn't remember who on earth I was. I didn't blame her, it had been a while. i reminded her of the rainy evening. 'Oh, Okay...hi?" she said hesitantly.

I laughed and said that I knew that it had been long and that I didn't expect her to remember me from after all these years. I told her that I rememberered her very well (a lie) and that the day we met she was wearing a dark top (another lie) and that I had mentioned that the perfume she was wearing reminded me of my sexy high school teacher I had a crush on (one big lie). She marvelled at the clarity of my memory, then I had asked her if she was willing to live dangerously and meet me the next day at a Lav Azza coffee house.

"Oh," she giggled. "Uhm, how will I tell it's you?"

"Leave that to me, I will text you what I'm wearing. Can I make a suggestion?"

"Okay"

"Wear somethin without sleeves," I said.

She laughed and asked, "why?"

"Because I remember you had impressive arms."
She laughed and said, "we'll see".

She showed up at Lav Azza all right. She was also more beautiful than I remembered. And she ahd on a sleeveless top, with a string holding it running behind her neck. Sexy. She had added a bit of weight since the last time I saw her. i didn't care. She still turned heads. i was in the game!

"How did you ever get so beautiful?" I asked her as she sat across me. She laughed uncomfortably and blushed. She was nervous, I could tell. So I decided to ease my foot off the flattery and try loosening her by making her laugh. And laugh she did; thank God she had a sense of humour. She told me she was working with a car hire compnay as a sales executive. She told me she had a boyfriend who was out of the country (amen), she told me she oved ice cream, Denzel, cats and me who finish what's on their plate. She told me she loved movies and hardly read books (I can live with that). She told me she loved my cufflinks and my eyebrows.

The date was a runaway success. I walked her to her stage at Kencom and hugged her properly like a gentleman would.

"I had a great time," she said with a sweet smile.

"If you really did, then you will let me see you again soon." I stated with a grin.

She smiled and said, "Sure, call me." Then she got on her bus. I practivcally floated home, whistling inder my breath and feeling on top of the world. I had my foot in her door. Wherever her boyfriend was, he didn't know that I was just about to become his worst nightmare.
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from rags to riches
Author: jamaapoa
•Friday, October 06, 2006

friday's nation newspaper magazine carried a feature about the rags to riches story of a leading kenyan advocate of the high court, mutula kilonzo snr. at 58 he has secured riches to last upto to the third and fourth generation. considered the devil's advocate for taking brief of former president daniel arap moi's legal matters, he is a man of means and influence.

the 1975 start-up lawyer who earned his first million shillings in six months is one of the six senior state counsels in today's kenya. i wonder why he abuses his secretaries whenever they distract his meetings, only his budding lawyer son, mutula kilonzo jnr can dare.

i once went for an interview and was asked when i expect to earn my first million. taken aback i tried circumventing the question by seeking clarification whether they meant million dollars or million shillings. then i needed them to clarify whether its a million for the employer or mine. then whether its cumulative over my working life or an on the spot cheque of one million. or a count of all the money that passes or has passed through my hands. honestly, at the time a million shillings was a pipe dream. do i look like i can handle a million bob? i would wonder. i would take the next flight to zanzibar and negotiate a return-to-work formula after its over.

no need to kill brain cells trying to imagine of a million shillings. from the salary package on offer i knew it would take me a lifetime to earn or two decades to cumulatively have a million pass through my account. in my mind i knew only self-employment or having deals on the side could guarantee that. but those ideas are best left unsaid in an interview. if i said this year or next year or in five years' time, i knew they will ask, how will you get it? if i say i am not sure, that will show my lack of ambition and poor planning. i ended up answering i would achieve that in the next two years. they asked me how? i told them by then i expect to be the ceo of the enterprise. the ceo moved in his seat.

like most first years in high school, mutula kilonzo was asked to report with a pair of shoes to form one. he diligently packed his shoes and reported to school barefoot. reminds me of those 'coffins' we used to carry to school, with all those compartments for shoes, section for hiding illegal edibles, clothes, soap, money etc. as in everything had to fit in especially for those of us who went to schools that had lots of bbs.

not bb for blue band margarine or big brothers but a pack of billy the bully. bbs made their lifes in boarding seclusion bearable by making form ones do the most outrageous stuff like singing lullabies, troupe dancing after evening prep sessions and answering all those crude questions about your female relations. or mounting a guard of honour for the bb's inspection complete with a yes-sir! salute pass-by and a head count. a head count entailed the bb placing his left palm on top of your head and firmly hitting it with a clenched right hand fist. woe unto you if you were taller than the bb.

if your 'coffin' survived the bbs routine inspection, then the box would eventually suffer the 'butterfly blow' of the petty thieves. since most were locked at the center, all a student thief would do is step at the center and use both hands to raise the edges of your box. when you get back to your room, your box would resemble a butterfly.

what happened to that catchy advert of school kids hinting to their teacher that b without bb is like a train without an engine? its no longer adorning our screens. they would act the hint by disconnecting a train merry-go-round (a sequence of kids) from the engine (the first kid in the sequence). b for bread, bb for blue band margarine. the teacher had just given them plain bread. then they would end, no b without bb! logically i think there cannot be bb without b, the converse is true. (hint: remove b from bb and realise you wont pronunce it as bb).

while walking in the city streets i came across a very beautiful sister (nun). now i understand why the first fruits should be to the creator. holding constant services with such could be the reason why archbishop milingo could not hold his horses.

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she may not be your wife
Author: jamaapoa
•Friday, October 06, 2006
being a sworn creationist with an immortal, omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient creator in mind i usually find it funny that god did not take time to refine his stuff.

like the whole business of making kids. did god have to make it so rigorous and steamy? all that energy wasted. it could light the whole world. why not make the female blow a ball of air which the male slaps to the ground and voila, a kid! and then did it have to be done through the excreting organs? why not locking of two hands or a simple 'hi five' and by the time you part your hands a generation has already began. or by osmosis?

talking of those organs, i thought a perfect machine has a hundred percent efficiency. no energy loss. there was no need for the organs to exist in the first place. just make everything eaten wholly absorbed by the body and since what is eaten has hundred percent efficiency, you would expect no by products. even the by products of a saw mill are much more efficient than that of a human being. in fact in the same theme of efficiency, god could have created efficient human system that needs no ingestion, digestion and ejection.

why the need for all those funny animals and plants. me thinks there were lots of laboratory mistakes in 'heaven' thats why all round we are surrounded by not so beautiful stuff. remember those chemistry experiments that would blast on your face during a final exam? and you had been told there will be no more rotten eggs-smelling sulphur other than the 5mg given? i think there were such beaker-based trials that blasted on god's face in heaven.

over christmas you hear your parents praying for the chemistry practical paper being marked at maseno high school, kisumu. they pray that god touches the exam marker with a golden touch and pour favour on your handwriting. wherever you are sitted, you would swallow hard. you knew too well you fucked up that practical and if you get more than a d-, then your teacher filled the marks later for you after you left the lab. if he had allowed the trial and error answers you copied from the class clown to remain, at least you could have attained a c- grade. the clown who got mesmerised when litmus paper turned blue in the first question and spent the rest of the time playing with the 'dropper' trying to make it turn white again.

i once marked some student papers and the stuff written at the end of the answer sheet was hilarious. 'my mum is praying for your hand right now, please put a 6 in front of the 5 you are giving me lest she starts cursing!'. i heard a case of some coast students who once complained that the burnsen burners provided for the chemistry practical were making the lab too hot and they blew them off. by the time the teacher realised what had happened, it was too late to light them again.

back to the heavenly laboratories, maybe some know-it-alls helpers sneaked into the night and while working on the saved cultures, they did not realise that darkness is a catalyst with adverse effects. so they ended up creating unwanted creatures that escaped the chamber. in their bid to replace the cultures before god wakes up in the morning, they ended up messing more. the man beta they released was unfinished as god was sleeping on the problem of removing some unprecedented bad behaviours he had noticed on his creation earlier in the day. the man still runs away from god, who always wants him to go back to the laboratory for a reconstruction.

then if god knows no evil, why is there evil? unless there is a competing creator who borders on the evil side. and that would demote god's omnipotency. or he could have some evil features in him. that could be blasphemous. he could not have created something he did not know, assuming he is the sole creator.

i have just counted my ribs and realised that they are equal on both sides. i expected one to be missing, at least the left rib. maybe two. adam was removed one to make eve. so i need not look for an 'eve' since mine is still intact. most likely god forgot to remove mine since i doubt he is perfect. or he removed the right one, realised he had made a mistake and went ahead to remove the left one. thats why they are four instead of the normal count as per my biology teacher or topmark book. that will challenge god's omniscience. will confirm with a few men whether theirs are in place or the left one has been removed. if you are married and you have both ribs intact, you must have stolen someone else's wife.

its more ridiculous on the evolution side. i wont even get there.
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kenya business news: roundup
Author: jamaapoa
•Thursday, October 05, 2006
due to reduction in world oil prices from around 78.40 usd per barrel in july to an average of 60usd per barrel currently, kenyan oil companies are under increased pressure to reduce petrol prices. motorists and government alike have put these oil monoliths under pressure to reduce prices from the exorbitant kshs 86 to less than kshs 70. finance minister amos kimunya has threatened to use his powers to control petrol prices. oil companies are in the habit of effecting petrol increases the minute it’s announced that world crude oil prices are on the increase. However, they do not reciprocate this rush when crude oil prices are on the decline insisting that they have to clear their old stock which they bought at high prices.

the ongoing internet cutthroat competition has seen telkom reduce its kenstream data network costs by 50%. kenstream’s major competitor is kenya data networks which is playing a major role in pushing for an alternative to eassy submarine cable wholly financed by kenyan private companies.

telkom has also launched a fixed wireless connection which requires one to have a cdma enabled phone with a ‘ruim’ card slot. the wireless line is retailing at kshs 1000. however they are charging an internet browsing fee of 3shs per minute compared to flashcom’s 2.50 shs per minute and popote wireless’ 1.00shs per minute. it’s main advantage is that it integrates with existing telkom lines and charges to landlines are the same like for landline to landline calls.

kenya commercial bank has reduced interest rates for both its business and personal loans. with effect from october 1, kcb customers will be paying between two and five per cent less on business loans. rates for personal loans also dropped by between one and five per cent. for instance, business loans repayable within three years which were charged 20% have dropped to 15% while sme loans go down from 21% to 18%. most banks are now reaching out to retail investors with an aggressive marketing for their loan products. a major factor is the fact that the lucrative government instruments interest rates have remained at less than 7.5%. this is as a result in the government cutting its domestic borrowing requirements choosing to finance its budget from increased tax revenue.

celtel is doing its best to solidify its africa market by introducing seamless one network mobile telephony. its now possible to use your celtel phone across kenya, tanzania and uganda, take incoming calls free, make calls at local rates and top up with local airtime cards for both its prepaid and postpaid customers. celtel recently launched a shs40 lowest denomination scratchcard in response to safaricom’s bamba50. we eagerly await who will launch the 20 bob ‘bao bao’ card!

kenya airport authority has begun the kshs 10billion first-phase modernization project which will make nairobi a major international hub for africa. the modernization programme includes an ultra modern new terminal big enough for boeing 787 dream liner, new capacity and space that will enable direct flights to us, latin america and australia and walkway corridors separating arrivals from departures. the project is being handled by a chinese firm wu yi. the upgrade will raise jkia to the standards demanded by us authorities for planes to fly directly from nairobi to american airports. once complete the airport will be elevated to category one status of the international civil aviation organization which would allow direct flights to any destination in the world.

the first phase funded by kenya airports authority and world bank includes putting up a new apron, taxiways and an extended fuel hydrant system. it is expected to be complete by june 2007.

in the second phase which will start in february 2007 and last for 18 months, a unit will be added and a ultra modern car park to accommodate 1,500 vehicles built.

the final stage starting in march 2007 will involve of units one to three and international arrivals, and construction of two in-fills.

there are also plans to elevate kisumu and malindi airports to international status while wilson, isiolo and wajir airports will also be expanded. during the opening ceremony, kaa paid the government shs100m as dividend.

national carrier kenya airways is expected to launch several routes this month. in addition to the paris, france route, kq is expected to fly twice every week to brazaville, capital of the republic of congo (not democratic republic of congo, formerly known as zaire) and the city of cotonou in benin. the airline will cover 30 cities in africa and cotonou is the 11th city in west africa where kq will be flying. kq will also launch flights too the indian ocean islands of mayotte and comoros in december.
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kenya business news: profits & losses
Author: jamaapoa
•Wednesday, October 04, 2006
kenya power and lighting company (kplc) announced its annual results. its pretax profit rose by 26.2% from 1.3bn to 1.6bn shs. the company’s earning per share went up from shs 16.05 to shs20.78. shareholders will get sh1.5 in dividend, same as last year.

however, there are fears that kplc may not see a similar trend of shs21.8bn to shs22.5bn rise in turnover it experienced this year come next year. its protracted bulk tariff tussle with newly listed kengen, if it goes kengen way may result to a kplc pretax loss of shs692m. if compelled to buy power at shs 2.36 per tariff instead of shs1.76, the loss is estimated to rise to shs866m in 2007/08. this battle stems from an agreement reached in 2003 which compelled kengen to reduce the tariff for power it sells to kplc from shs1.76 to shs2.36. the reduction was to help kplc overcome its cash crunch. the preferred charge was to end in july 2006. already, kengen is invoicing kplc at shs2.36 per unit as it had informed investors during its ipo. finance minister amos kimunya has entered the fray demanding that kengen retains the subsidized tariffs. kplc is currently trading at 267shs while kengen is trading at shs 35.

uganda's story is different. uganda's electricity tariff’s could rise by about 1,100% as the government rolls out more thermal power plants to address the current energy crisis.

uchumi supermarkets turnaround scheme seems to be making a positive turn with the opening of westlands branch and planned opening of meru and karatina branches. the company's receiver manager, jonathan ciano has seen ten branches opened by august this year with performance of reopened branches within projections. uchumi is still looking for a strategic investor to inject between sh300m and sh800m in capital over the next six months for expansion of its branches in kenya and the region. uchumi has of late recorded 87% rise in sales compared to the same period in 2005.

kenya's ministry of health has launched a programme where citizens can access malaria al (artemether lumefantrine) tablets at all government hospitals and mission health centres for free. malaria is the leading killer disease in most parts of the country.

unga group limited whose shares are trading at an average of shs17 reported an 8% drop in its pretax profits for year ending june 2006 from shs155m to shs142.4 million. the directors did not recommend any dividends. some of the reasons for declining profits include, the uchumi supermarkets debt write-off, operating losses in its uganda business where flour production has been impacted by power outages. losses have been experienced in its animal health business attributed to the avian flu scare.

kengen reported a pre tax profit of shs 3.8bn shillings for the year ended june 2006 up form the previous shs 1.8bn reported in the previous year. earning per share rose from shs 0.5 to shs 1.71. dividend payment rose from shs 0.23 paid out in 2005 to shs 0.55 this year. dividends will be paid to those appearing in kengen’s books on 23rd november 2006. its agm will be held at kasarani gymnasium on 30th november 2006.

negotiations are in top gear for the sale of governments shares in safaricom. vodafone uk has preemptive rights and the government is pushing for the best deal possible from the british firm. the government wants to sell nine per cent of telkom’s 60per cent stake in safaricom. the government is yet to agree on a price with vodafone, which has a 40 per cent stake in the company. a sale of nine per cent shares would leave telkom holding 51 per cent which will still make it a majority shareholder in the company. an initial 100m usd offer by vodafone to buy an extra 11 per cent in safaricom was rejected by the government for being too low. telkom is being spruced up for privatization. this year a staff restructuring exercise is ongoing and the process of selling loss-making gilgil technology industries (gti) is on course and has attracted six suitors. telkom has been divesting from non-core activities and has left the telecomm players breathless as it rolls out innovative products which had been left to private players in previous years.
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kenya business news: ipo’s
Author: jamaapoa
•Wednesday, October 04, 2006
the ipo craze at the nairobi stock exchange has led to a war in offering of investment services. the two crazy bulls fighting to sign ipo prospectuses are fronted by jimnah mbaru of dyer and blair led consortium and suntra stock’s james murigu. jimnah, also doubling up as the nse chairman has been having the last laugh. wounded for not clinching the uchumi rights deal, he went ahead and put a zero charge for his services when it came to kengen ipo. now he has outwitted his rivals once more.

dyer and blair, pkf consulting and cfc financial services clinched the role of lead transaction advisor for the mush awaited intial public offer (ipo) by kenya reinsurance corporation (kenya-re). this time it wasn’t at zero cost but a paltry shs 17.9m whose second bid was by price waterhouse at a cost of shs88m. the government intends to sell 40 per cent of the reinsurance company through an ipo by april next year.

earlier on the dyer and blair consortium had won the lead advisor and lead broker’s role for the planned sale of 92 million mumias shares by the government next year.

the sale of 60m shares in kenya reinsurance and the mumias sale are part of the government’s efforts to raise money to cover a budget deficit of sh18bn needed to finance its expenditure.

eveready east africa, the battery company’s ipo is also expected any time soon once the lodged application has been approved by the capital markets authority. with equity bank listing and scanad’s ipo smiling all the way to the trading floor, word on the street is that this ipo will be done before the end of the year. eveready expects to sell 40% of its shareholding through the lucrative ipo market. eveready has four shareholders currently: east african batteries (51%), industrial commercial development company (25%), energizer international incorporated (14%) and icdc investment company (10%). each of the shareholders is expected to cede 30 per cent of their shares to the ipo. its major threat is the cheap chinese substitutes targeting the low-end market.

the government is also anticipating a sale of its stake in the management- entangled east african portland cement through the nairobi stock exchange. the government owns 25% of portland while the national social security fund controls 27%. french conglomerate lafarge holds 41% shareholding. the government is also looking for a way of dealing with lafarge’s shareholding. lafarge also has shares in other cement manufacturers bamburi (73%) and 15% in athi river mining.

portland is also embroiled in claims of irregular listing at the stock exchange, with only 6.3% of shares held by other investors. the rules say that a company should have a minimum 25% shares listed at the nse and therefore available for trading.
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nairobbery the order of the day
Author: jamaapoa
•Tuesday, October 03, 2006
it’s a very hot saturday afternoon. nairobi of late has been very hot, global warming has just hit our streets. is this what they call a heat wave on cnn and bbc? pardon my ignorance but it’s really hot of late in nairobi and for those of us who are aerophobic, we have no comparison for such kind of weather. there has been also a lot of unexplained office and industrial fires, the latest been at intercontinental house and sadolin paints. that’s our own bush fires that are easily ignited by a cigar butt. they tell us hell will be hotter, actually burning hot. the fiery furnace, brimstone and sulphur, gnashing of teeth and wailing. mmh … whoever believed the religious rhetoric.

you have just turned into harambee avenue from moi avenue, at least you are not in the direct path of the hot rays of the early afternoon scorching sun anymore. there is this pickup load of plywood and cardboards that have to be delivered to a construction site manned by an asian foreman. you dare not be late! then thirst strikes. or is it the catchy nic bank atm. you have no time to go back to town after the delivery and the baby needed some milk. could be you need to catch a bite at this steamy chips and burger joint. whatever the need in your melted brain, you pack the car in a haste. it’s a saturday and there is noone to bog you down with the parking charges crap. after all, the attendants are nowhere in sight and you just want to dash and be back in a flash.

off you got and in a second you are back. oh la la la. nairobi there are ghosts. they have invaded your pickup and is currently suspended in air from the back. a heavy chain connects it to what looks like a desert rover. ‘maybe the foreman thought i have taken long in delivering and decided to get a makeshift helicopter to hasten the delivery process?’, you wish. “aren’t ghosts white”, you wonder. ‘but these are clad in yellow, they are sweaty and oily’, the slippery mind battles on. “being a hot afternoon, you think its one of those crazy illusions that a lazy mind gets into once in a while.
hunger deprives the memory essential amino acids so it can’t be what it seems. “let me hop into the car and as i munch my burger, all will be clear”. too bad, my friend. before you slot the key into the door, the car starts moving in reverse. “aha, levitation at work!”, you think and are taken aback. sorry my friend, you have been cramped. Reality finally dawns on you. “you have to make some payments at city hall to have your car released. come collect your car at some station in upper hill after making the payments at city hall”, the council attendant affirms. that’s the catch. city hall is closed and will be open on monday. in zero-tolerance spirit, you part with 2,000shs, your car is un-cramped na unaendelea kuvumilia kuwa mkenya.

from my strategic watcher-point at first floor of electricity house across the street, away from the yellow ghosts, another drama was unfolding. traffic had slowed down as vehicles joined moi avenue from harambee avenue. a land drover with two occupants was in tandem snail pace too. a white lady was driving and had a young male passenger. nairobi being an oven, the front windows were open quarter way to let in a breeze and fresh air i presume. in the twinkling of an eye a shabbily dressed man catcalled across the street where the yellow ghosts were sharing the spoils. two haggard looking men pacefully crossed the streets and approached the land rover. in split second time one had slipped his hand through the open front passenger window and pulled the back left door lock open.
luckily for the occupants, the second thieving man who was supposed to unlock the back left door while the one who catcalled snatches the bags at the back was slow in crossing the road in the well choreographed nairobbery. the young passenger was also quick to lock the back door as the driver rolled up the windows. better the oven than the mean looking faces of these day sticky-fingers. life went on as usual, no alarms raised and business was normal for all that surrounded the dram except for some curious dazed looks. the thugs just walked across the street, sat down next to the yellow ghosts and waited for their next prey. like the hawk eyed nairobian, a storey away, all other kenyans watched the two dramas coldly and lifelessly.

the next day, the matatu i had boarded on my way home in the sun-baking afternoon was stopped at a hurriedly erected police road block. we had already paid full fare and fastened our seat belts. it was flagged down for having stopped to pick passengers at a stage near a road block. the whole van of policemen descended on the matatu with shouts of the fact that the matatu had violated traffic rules and was thus to be impounded; police property. the tout had managed to flee the scene and the passengers were left at the mercy of the exchange between the police and the driver who insisted he had broken no rules. it had to be taken to the central police station.
‘what about us, will we get our fare and balance back?, we protested. the driver did not have money, so the police said we all proceed to the station and the driver will be compelled to look for money once he has been locked in. what irony. i had given 200 kshs. at the thought of going to the police station, i alighted and made alternative transport arrangements. the rest were driven to the police station, the road block was dismounted and the regiment of around eight officers escorted the fat catch to the station. but they didn’t get there. a roundabout away the passengers were forced to alight and the matatu was packed on the pavement. i knew the hassling for ‘our daily bread’ had began in earnest before they mount another road block. i lost my 200shs hard earned money. its part of the price i have to pay for at times nalialia kuwa mkenya.
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wangari maathai for president: will she be?
Author: jamaapoa
•Monday, October 02, 2006
the world renown 2004 nobel prize winner, professor wangari maathai launched her autobiography last week. unbowed: one woman’s story published by random house, 2006 is being serialised by the nation newspaper. in her own words, the nobel laureate gives a glimpse of her relentless fights in life to be where she is today. for some of us it’s news that the first woman phd in east and central Africa in 1971 once had the country on the edge of their seats whilst following her divorce soap opera in the 70’s. we must have been a constellation away to be born while she dauntingly stood by her husband mwangi during his bids for the langata parliamentary seat which he lost in 1969 and won in 1974.

the closest semblance of what i now have in mind about the green belt movement founder is a story book we used to read in primary school called ‘judy the nun’. ‘judy the nun’ was the emotional story of a kenyan primary school teacher and married woman who decided to further her career in the u s of a against a backdrop of relatives and friends rebuttal of such a move. set in the early 80’s, women were supposed to be wholly subservient to the mars species in kenya. judy came back to the country to fight for political space and business empire in the predominantly male field after waging marital fidelity battles while abroad where she earned the nickname ‘judy the nun’. the fact that she remained chaste for her ‘liberated’ husband did not count when she was involved in an accident in states with a drunken ‘predator’ who was trying his way into the nun’s chastity.

judy the nun’s husband was liberal in the sense that he gave way for her wife’s advancement despite the societal pressures for the need to make his wife conform to men-set standards for women at the time. when judy sought political office, he was there by her side and conquered his selfish ego in support of his wife. sadly, in the end, he gave in to the pressures of undue male egocentric domination, cheated on her loyal wife, humiliated her in public accusing her of infidelity, dispossessed her of family property, destroyed her political career and washed their dirty linen in public. surprisingly, that’s what my subconscious mind read in the first of three serialisation of the unbowed woman story that wangari maathai is. enyewe, what those early women scholars faced in a male dominated world both in academia and industry is worth telling.

well, there was no fanfare with the books launch at outspan hotel in nyeri unlike raila odinga’s launch of the ‘near-flop’ biography. raila’s enigma biography almost backfired on him when it highlighted his prime role in the 1982 attempted coup. maybe maathai’s planned launch at the hotel intercontinental on Tuesday October 3 in nairobi will be full of glamour. her humility at latter years of her life is admirable. her rage and love for the environment saved nairobi’s evergreen karura forest. it did save uhuru park too, where another towering nyayo ‘grabiosis’ reminder would be in place of the inviting day-time relaxation park that turns eerie at night with muggers and the evil urchins of our time.

it’s during her book’s launch that wangari maathai retaliated her desire to still be kenya’s president. that’s where sympathy for our true first lady comes in. surely, a prophet is not known at her home place. idolized globally, the wangari maathai legacy is not really appreciated at home if political crown-ship is to be used. she once ran for presidency in 1997 and lost dismally. she didn’t even get to parliament. when she did in 2002 under the narc wave, her political story hasn’t yielded much fruits. she has always being appointed as an assistant minister for environmental resources, a post she declined after last year’s ethnically dividing referendum. her boss, one emilio mwai wa kibaki who rules with a tight-lip and closed eyes did not see her fit enough to run a conservation and environmental friendly ministry. she happens to be a middle-ground mp whose alignment is neither on kibaki or raila-led odm; the two axis of ‘underdevelopment’ in kenya. just like one joseph nyaga, she is a ‘whispering’ president-in-waiting with no much of a political clout to call her own despite the zeal, international accolades, intelligence, real vision, proven concern for our motherland and foresight that kenya badly needs.

what is this great and noble nobel laureate’s crime that she can’t lead such a great country like kenya? it’s sad but i have to say it. there are three major reasons among others. these are reasons from the streets and not necessarily my personal views, i would actually prefer her to the bad leaders in waiting or in office. one she is a kikuyu, the tribe that is now on the cross in kenya ready to be crucified any time. that’s enough to make her lose 40% of the presidential votes. secondly, over 65 years old, she’s an ‘old turk’, the current wave is for young generational leadership. it doesn’t matter how clumsy, yappy and crappy the so called young turks are. that makes her lose 25%. lastly, she is a woman, i know i shouldn’t write it but its true. kenyans both male and female kenyans are yet to embrace female leadership. Another 10% goes. i cry for my beloved country kenya.
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The strong shall always eat the weak
Author: jamaapoa
•Sunday, October 01, 2006
by Charles Onyango Obbo (Daily Nation 28 Sept)

Africa has really changed for the better – at least in a few respects. Some years ago, as a young journalist who was still a little wet behind the ears, a colleague and I arrived in Lilongwe, Malawi’s commercial capital.

Dr Hastings Kamuzu Banda, The Ngwazi (the great lion), was still running the place with an iron fist. Malawi was hell for journalists, and nearly everyone else. A story is told of a foreign journalist who was accorded a rare interview with Banda. A minister escorted him into the interview room.

After they had taken a few steps towards the president, the journalist looked towards the minister, only to find he had “disappeared”. His puzzlement ended quickly when he looked down, and there was the minister moving on all fours like a dog toward the Ngwazi.

The Ngwazi had been abroad, and returned home two days before our arrival in Lilongwe. The day was declared a national holiday. Supporters of Kamuzu’s ruling Malawi Congress Party turned out in their tens of thousands to welcome the great lion. From early morning, state radio began a live report on the atmosphere ahead of the Ngwazi’s arrival.

On arrival, there was a blow by blow account of his procession from the airport into Lilongwe; and later his departure for the capital, Blantyre, and then his arrival there. By that time, it was about 5pm. And that was all the radio had been covering. With the explosion of FM stations, state broadcasters struggling to survive wouldn’t dare serve up such madness today.

For all Banda’s cult rule, there were surprising oversights. The MCP women who lined up the roads and danced for the Ngwazi were all in clothes emblazoned with the big man’s portrait. Now you would have expected that the dresses would be made in such a way that Banda’s head was not on the women’s behinds. The fact that it wasn’t meant that whenever the women sat down, they actually sat on the dictator.

It’s doubtful that most of the people who turned out to greet Banda cared for him. The renowned Malawian academic, Thandika Mkandawire, who lived in exile during Banda’s rule, tells of his experience with his father. Thandika was a critic of Banda, and was always upset that his father was an MCP member. He would send messages to his son, and tell him he wanted money for paying for his MCP subscription.

After Banda fell, Thandika was able to return to Malawi for the first time in over 20 years. A few days after he arrived at his parents’ home, his father called hi, and led him quietly to a house in his compound. He moved the furniture aside, dug the floor, and pulled out a metal trunk. When he opened it, it was full of the MCP cards and paraphernalia he had bought for decades. It was then that reality dawned on Thandika. He had spent many fruitless days arguing with his old man about the MCP. The geezer was never a supporter. He did to keep the government off his back.

The authoritarian politics of the likes of Banda, which was the rule in most of Africa in the 1970s and 1980s, also gave rise to another irritating feature of African politics – the long speech. A speaker needs to take his audience for granted – or to hold them to a degree of fear – for him to bludgeon them with a dull speech for hours without protest.

Not too long ago, I investigated this matter and it formed a chapter in a little book I wrote, Uganda’s Poorly Kept Secrets. The chapter, headed “Forever My Ramble”, reported that in August 1997, Uganda’s vice-president Specioza Kazibwe had delivered a “sort and good speech”, that was enough to make her the “centre of attraction” at a workshop in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. In other words a short speech was so unusual that by delivering one, Kazibwe surprised everyone and became a star.

Not so her boss, President Yoweri Museveni. At the Global Knowledge Conference in June, the same year, Canada’s shy and unassuming minister of Internal Trade, Ms Diane Marleau, was chairing a session at which Museveni was speaking.

Speakers were given a few minutes. As Museveni rambled on past his allotted time, Ms Marleau had the difficult task of trying to stop him. Museveni told her that he didn’t travel for a whole day and night to come and just clear his throat.

Another notorious rambler used to be Ghana’s military ruler Jerry Rawlings, who later repackaged himself as an elected leader and actually stepped down from office. When Rawlings was talking revolution, there was no stopping him. His mindset at that time partly explains why he thought it was his right to harangue the world. I was told of an incident when an Amnesty International delegation went to talk to Rawlings about human rights abuses.

As they waited in the lounge of his office, the TV was turned on. It showed a very bloody film of lions chasing down some hapless small animals and tearing them up furiously. The delegation thought it was just another nature documentary. When they went in to meet Rawlings and complained about torture and arbitrary detentions by his government, he looked them straight in the eyes and asked if they had watched the film on the TV in the lounge.

“Yes,” they replied.
“Well, that’s what happens in the real world. The strong animals eat the weak ones”.

Last week, there was Africa’s International Media Summit in this same Ghana, now a relatively stable multiparty democracy. Ghana’s minister of Information and “National Guidance” Mrs Obashie Sai Cofie, and Jake Obetsebi Lamptey, minister of Tourism and “Diaspora Relations” (these good people have serious titles), spoke on the opening day.

Before we could settle in our seats properly, Mrs Cofie had finished her piece. Then in the space of time it took to open a glass of mineral water and fill a glass, Mr Lamptey was done. Coming from East Africa, we were surprised, but quite pleased.

Then there was a banquet to honour living famous Africans. The guest of honour was Ghana’s vice-president, Alhaji Aliu Mahama. He broke the record-he spoke barely two minutes.

It’s almost miraculous what the march of democracy can do some politician’s tongues.

Mr Onyango-Obbo is Nation Media Group’s managing editor for Convergence and New Products.
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